Strange Reflections and Emphatic Moments

There are days that are reflective, I find that I am susceptible to them…some small thing can set it off. Take today for instance, a guy called into the office for a meeting about the accounts tender; he was slightly diminutive, flushed rosy cheeks but smiling and exceptionally polite. His suit was a tad ill-fitting and a bit too big for him, the older briefcase he carried seemed to add some small level of charming dishevelment. I found some form of empathy for him almost overwhelming….as I stood in the kitchen I told myself it was ridiculous, I have never met this man, nor do I even know anything about him. I am at a loss to explain it….maybe he reminded me somehow of my father. I found myself just hoping he was happy, hoping that his life was okay. A similar incident occurred in Sainsbury’s one night when I had to help an elderly gent in the store pick up his basket, his small collection of purchases, clearly for one, made me emotional as I queued behind him at the checkout. That particular incident as I thought later, probably did relate to my father….frailty is coming and I am powerless to stop it, I have no control and there is something of a role reversal, with my desire to somehow nurse him through it. I think my fear of loss increases with his age. Such thoughts inevitably lead to memories of my mother, and her illness and passing and other recent losses. The emotive response[s] tangibly weigh me down, like a black storm-laden sky overhead. I deal with this on my own with such moments I suspect, but maybe therein lies the problem…..maybe I haven’t dealt with them at all.